Burn-out: am I out of the woods yet?
Burn-out threw me off my feet, off my timeline and good intentions. It caught me by surprise, though probably I was the only one to feel so. I was officially diagnosed with burnout and chronic depression in 2022 - I had been depressed, albeit 'high functioning', for at least five years. It made my life grind to a halt, just for a little while. For about 3 months, I disappeared. Lots of different therapies, time spent in nature, making art, (re)connecting with loved ones, re-organising my life, and, eventually: picking up on everything I had to drop when I headed to the clinic in August of last year.
I am better now, and it seems to be the sum total of all the efforts of the last year. Finally working with a psychiatrist and facing the unhealthy work patterns I had been in for years was a turning point. But #healing, in my experience, happens like you fall asleep: slowly at first, then at once.
Still, I don't consider myself out of the woods. Maybe I never will be. Maybe this is my home now, these woods that are sometimes lonely, scary and cold. The dark corners where tiredness lingers. The caves in which burn-out hides, awaiting for the right moment to come crawling out again. The cliffs from which self-critical and doomsday thoughts fall onto my path, like rocks in a landslide.
I'm not sure one ever fully recovers from #burnout. Like any addiction, one can get clean, but the sifting sands remain - we just watch out for them with keener eyes now. Eyes which also see new things in my corner of the woods. Denizens of all types who keep me company. A wellspring of creativity that never runs dry. A berry bush full of the fruits of my labour, so lush I don't know how I could walk right past without seeing them for so long. The way the air glows when the sun shines on it just right - just like people do.
So here I am, wandering these woods, discovering the land, and learning to appreciate it the way it is, more than I wish for it to be different. This is my life, my brain, my circumstances and my choices. As I continue to be mindful of tempting shortcuts and races to the hilltop, I also feel renewed energy, joy and hope. But more than anything, #gratitude. For this process, for those who stood by me when I was lost, for now knowing the lay of the land so much better, and for my own #courage to walk the unknown paths to face whatever needed to be faced.
It’s no secret that increasing numbers of people are burning out, struggle with anxiety and other forms of dis-ease. These numbers are even higher amongst people who care about the state of the world and seek to contribute to positive transformation. I was lucky to discover art-based practices, such as conscious movement (5 Rhythms and open floor dancing), social poetry (with the Presencing Institute), art and music therapy, and more. These practices enabled me to regain my sense of hope, creativity, and connection to myself and others.
I created the well as a change atelier to make these art-based practices accessible to more people, with the hope of supporting them in living a healthier, more connected, and creative life. We cannot pour from an empty cup, and to create a better tomorrow, we must nurture our own wellbeing. It has been a great source of joy and inspiration to see this idea resonated with talented art therapists and facilitators, who have come on board to co-create this initiative further.
Burn-out threw me off my feet, off my timeline and good intentions. But it also threw me into a process of realising how sick my way of living had been, and onto a new path. I really hope that the offerings of the well will add value to the life of many, and cannot wait to connect with you!
Photo by Sherin Ledermann
